**WARNING** B9 Virus (also known as the “benign” virus) epidemic is causing massive outbreaks of peace. B9 is very contagious, especially among young children and the elderly. The most common means of transmission are hugs in excess of 20 seconds in length, and peace symptoms are also suspected of coming from long walks on ocean beaches or in deep mountain forests. Individual symptoms include difficulty in dominating other people, willingness to listen for long periods without interrupting, and forgetting to lock the house, as well as spontaneous outbursts of joyful singing and tears of gratitude. An epidemic may be indicated by improved learning in schools, shortages of workers, empty jails, and closure of military recruiting offices. Government epidemiologists say control is impossible, since the B9 virus will disassemble the DNA of fear media-cations with laughter. The prognosis is for long-term chronic peace to dissolve political and national boundaries, blend the races into one soft brown color, and marginalize the use of currency as a representation of value. The B9 virus is very dangerous to the status quo and should be treated with respect.