Both fear & love

I wrote two poems in the spring of 1979 that in tandem express a complete sentiment of being able to hold simultaneously feelings that may seem contradictory yet are fully included in the human experience. Since 1970, I had been engaged in a study and practice of mysticism as taught by the Arica Institute, employing various practices such as guided meditations, bio-energetic yoga, and chanting to embody the Divine Human Prototype (Toham-kum-rah, the sacred name and sound of everyone’s heart-beat) through attraction to a new level of Divine Blessing, Barakath. My participation made a deep impact on my life that continues to this day.

I want to run away;

I am frightened;

I fear humanity’s violence;

I fear humanity’s ego.

I fear the loss of all that I have hoped for,

all that I have striven for,

all that I have dreamed of.

Dread and loathing grips at my heart, insecurity leaps apace;

I reach out to my brothers and sisters, lest I sink.

Cling to me!

Grasp my hand, hold my heart from bursting

At the grief of a humanity struggling from oblivion into reality,

At any moment READY to tear itself apart!

For the Love of God, make me a channel for Thy Love!

Find me a way to give away what I have,

Before the roulette of world events

ends it!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

I leapt,

I bounced,

I laughed,

“A 200-foot plunge into Barakath!”

I exclaimed,

“WHOOEEE!”

And leaned on the Rock for support.

“Where am I?”

“Who am I with?”

“How am I?”

Burning with desire, I had to know.

He told me not to fear, just watch the flower grow.

Spring is here, I feel it.

Love is at hand, the real thing, delicate and newborn.

No loud trumpets, please, just a look of recognition:

Peace.

Toham-kum-rah,

Oh, Toham-kum-rah!

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